Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Mind-blowing aside, this is a serious question that has bothered me and plagued my thoughts all of my life. What happens after we die? Do we get to watch, from above or wherever else our souls may rest?
Since I was old enough to understand that people die, I truly believed that immediately after you took your last breath, God would place your soul in another person, a newborn somewhere else in the world. I used to imagine what kind of family or country I would be born again into. One day I told my parents this and they smiled and shook their heads.
“When you die, you die. That’s it. You’re in Heaven forever.”
Those words shattered all security I had felt about dying and instilled a constant fear into my life. When all was said and done, my life was over? All I could do was float about in infinity for eternity, not feeling, not living?
Or do I exist in the other-worldly kingdom we call Heaven? Do I float about in a castle made of clouds and do nothing for eternity, not living?
For a while, and even still, whenever I hear someone talk about dying, or when I attend a funeral, or when the priest says something to the equivalent of “your soul rests with God forever” I feel overwhelmed to the point of tears.
It is, truly, my deepest fear. To die. To die and not exist anywhere on the earth.
And to be honest, my fear of dying has never been about regretting the things I might not have done, it was always that the world would keep moving without me.
I mean, think about it. Technology is improving at such rapid speeds, society and its values are changing (although not as quickly), and more eyes are being opened to the world around them. In 100 years, there could possibly be no illnesses. Maybe through using micro-technology to protect our bodies from diseases every human on the earth would never get sick.
In 100 years, the economy might finally be stable. Everyone might have a stable income. Maybe there won’t be the 50 United States of America, maybe they’ll each be their own countries.
The point is that there are so many possibilities about what the future could hold. And I never want to miss out on the changing world. I don’t want to be floating around somewhere, forgotten, while the whole earth is still turning and constantly changing and developing.
I believe that one day the world is supposed to end, and I have selfishly wished for it to end with me, so I can rest knowing that nothing is happening that I wasn’t a part of.
It doesn’t sound nice, and I know that. But it’s how I wish things would go.
Another, better option, would be if I could actually ask God at the giant gates to Heaven if I could possibly start over. I imagine that he would already know why.
That’s the only way I could feel at ease about this whole “dying” thing.
I mean, when I think about wanting to enjoy my life to the fullest, I think about rushing through the “silly things” like high school, college, getting a solid job so I don’t have to worry about anything. But then I stress myself out by trying to rush through everything, and when I try to slow down I worry about the time I’m wasting.
I want to enjoy my 20’s like everyone else, but without having to worry about paying my bills the next day. I want to enjoy everything without rushing through things and worrying about tomorrow.
I think if I could choose what would happen after I died, then I would feel more secure and okay with doing whatever in life, because something different would happen the next time around.
I guess I won’t know what happens after life until I get there, but I just wish someone would tell me what to expect, and how to feel okay with what would happen.
What do you think about what happens “after life”?